“As a pack-in title with the Nintendo Wii, Wii Sports is of excellent value; a game that’s likely to be booted up with any visitor that expresses an interest in the system for (at the very least) a quick game of tennis. However, all of the games except, arguably, golf, lack any real depth or longetivity, and even Nintendo’s training and fitness test segments add little to the package for the solo gamer. More worrying in the long term, however, is just how limited the use of the Wii remote is, with little more than waving the controller ever used. Only boxing seems to use any complex manipulation, and that is by far the clumsiest to control. Perhaps, much like with the Nintendo DS, developers need time to grow into the new control paradigm.”

Yes, it’s true; I used the word “paradigm” in a review. I may have before! This time I couldn’t help it; it just slipped out, I swear.

Also, I have a Wii. Yay! The conclusion to this review might seem a little negative, as I have had some good fun playing Wii Sports with my girlfriend, but it’s not even been a couple of weeks and I have little urge to play it (people will probably consider me dead inside when I say I’ve probably played more Gears of War in the past week than any of the first-party Wii titles.) I’ll be getting some third-party games sooner or later, though, and I’m intrigued to see how well they stack up.

“Sega studio Sonic Team’s original Phantasy Star Online, released on the sadly missed Dreamcast in 2000, was a revelation: the first true online multiplayer RPG on consoles. Effortless to play and set up even using the Dreamcast’s straining 56k modem, the title was free to play online and immensely popular. As the majority of the game was the online component, by the time the Gamecube port Phantasy Star Online: Episodes I&II appeared Sega had taken to charging a (not unsubstantial) $8.95 (U.S.) per month for online access.

But Phantasy Star Universe is a slap in the face to any true fan of the series.”

Oh Sonic Team, what has happened to you? Phantasy Star Online is horrible. Admittedly, I do spend a fair chunk of this review bitching about the lack of a free month of online play in the box (but seriously!) however the single player mode in this is so tedious in every respect as to actually be quite upsetting. I spent a significant portion of my time on Phantasy Star Online Ver. 2 on Dreamcast (I even bought a keyboard! Well, second hand for £2) and I had rather hoped this game would have been a nice return to form. Instead, all of the magic is missing. Oh well.

And if you can’t tell from the “reviewed on” text, I have an Xbox360 now. I am surprisingly impressed with the system, even though all I do with it is play Live Arcade. So… Hundreds of dollars to recognise Doom as “really quite good”, then. Still, I’m sure it’ll be worth it in the long run.

“Though the hottest gifts this holiday season are the latest videogame systems, the portable music player landscape is just as crowded with new contenders, including Apple’s latest iPod revisions, the Creative Zen V Plus, and Microsoft’s Zune.

A good set of headphone are a superb gift for the audiophile, and it’s with that in mind we tested two of the latest and most unique high end headphones on offer in Canada, Creative’s new Zen Aurvana In-Ear Earphones (SRP $149.99) and Logitech’s FreePulse Wireless Headphones (SRP $99.99).”

A headphones review! I’m sure many hi fi enthusiasts would scoff at this review, as it contains basically nothing in the way of technical details about the headphones, just, you know, how I feel about how they sound. But while I was researching headphones for my own general use a while ago I read more than enough reviews of headphones that contained no usable details about wearability or sound quality. I purchased the pair of Sennheiser PX-100s used in this review as a benchmark, and they’re still the headphones I’d recommend above all others, too.

“For roughly as long as we’ve had cinema, we’ve had the concept of the ‘un-filmable’ novel; a written work that through some use of the form is considered untranslatable to the silver screen. However, many filmmakers have taken on the task of such adaptations with varying degrees of success, such David Cronenberg, who tackled The Naked Lunch.

It’s obvious Volatile Games tried hard to reach this lofty goal with Reservoir Dogs; but sadly either their talent and creativity simply failed them, or Reservoir Dogs truly is un-recreatable as a game.”

Wait a minute, Volatile Games, you say? Aren’t they… A SUBSIDIARY OF BLITZ GAMES?

Why yes they are! Considering that Reservoir Dogs was a strangely hypnotic piece of utter pap, does that bode well or ill in turn for Sneak King? (As discussed in the previous post.) Who knows? When it comes to this review, I’m far more interested in the idea of “un-gameable” films; I’d rather like to write a feature on it. In fact, I plan on doing so at some point in the future.

Note to other games journalists: Don’t steal that idea and do it first. I’ll break your knees.

“As the festive season approaches and you grapple with what games to buy for little Johnny or Janey, follow a little advice: choosing kid-friendly movie adaptations or games related to toy lines is a safe bet.

With that in mind, @play decided to take a look at the recent releases from THQ, with Barnyard and Monster House related to the big budget CGI summer films, and Bratz: Forever Diamondz a title based around the Bratz line of dolls that currently battles Barbie for shelf space.”

Christ, you must be thinking; first I review printers, now I’m reviewing kids’ games?

Yes. Yes I am. I am not ashamed. Someone has to, and I had a child play them with me (for Barnyard and Monster House) so I was at least making sure I wasn’t judging them entirely to my adult standards.

Bratz: Forever Diamonds is, however, a ripe rank old pile of cobblers that I sadly had to foist upon my girlfriend. Horrible, horrible stuff. And it was made by Blitz Games (you know, the Oliver Twins?) They’re working on that awesome looking “Sneak King” Burger King tie-in game, which I would have lost all hope for had Brandon Sheffield not interviewed Phillip Oliver recently, during which Phillip came across as a pretty decent guy. So we shall see.

“The pride of Epson’s fall line-up of printers is the Stylus Photo RX580 all-in-one, a multipurpose printer that includes a gamut of features and technologies specifically aimed at the photo enthusiast. Meanwhile, Canon has released a dedicated photo printer in the form of the PIXMA mini260, a compact and portable printer specifically intended for the printing of 4×6 prints.

Both printers have a manufacturer’s suggested retail price of $249. So, we wondered which one offers the better value for money?”

And here’s another one, a comparison review between the hefty Epson Stylus Photo RX580 and the lithe Canon PIXMA mini260. Can’t wait to click through and find out the victor of this titanic tussle? Well, I can tell you the RX580 kicked the hell out of the poor little Mini260. As you’d expect, really; he’s 3 times the weight of his weedy competitor. That big bully.

“While digital cameras are now ubiquitous, high-quality prints are not. Most digital camera users store their images on their memory card or on their computer — but when it comes time to producing a print for the upstairs hallway or to send to grandma, you’ll want something well suited to the task of photo printing.”

Now you might be gasping with genuine shock and disbelief, here, as isn’t this Canada’s best games journalist lowering himself to review, of all things, consumer technology? Printers, even? Dear God.

Well, yes. He is. Because, as I explained only recently in my “So You Want to Be a Games Journalist” guide, you have to pay the bills.

And you know? It wasn’t that bad. This isn’t an exciting piece of journalism, really, but it’s useful. People need to know what printers are good and what printers are bad. This one is quite good. The end!

“When Rockstar Games announced Bully in mid-2005, the controversial name led to protests from not only vitriolic Florida lawyer and anti-video game campaigner Jack Thompson, but normally more rational organizations, such as anti-bullying charities and parents groups. However, the majority of these complaints came before any real details about the game emerged.

However, in near all cases where Jimmy is expected by the narrative to perform acts of violence, it is in self defence and Jimmy is never expected to attack children or girls. Even attempting to touch a girl without her permission is guaranteed to result in a swift kick in the tenders and a trip to the principal’s office.”

My take on Rockstar’s most recent controversial title, created, actually, by Rockstar Vancouver, which I feel like I should have mentioned in the review but I didn’t really have a place to note Canada’s part in creating the game (and all the GTA games were made in Scotland, which is also worth remembering.)

I write my reviews for the Globe and Mail in a different way than I’d write them for a publication purely for gamers; this review is somewhat set up with the idea that if the reader has heard of Bully at all it’s as a reprehensible “bully simulator” and whether or not they believe that, I stress that that’s really not what it is. Much like the GTA games, actually, meaningless violence and misbehavior becomes dull after about five minutes (and the plot rarely, if ever, asks for it), while experiencing the world in a constructive manner is completely brilliant.

I think the game is a nice step in the right direction; I really wasn’t a fan of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (big isn’t better) and the evolution of the design to more heavily stress a daily routine and interaction between factions is pretty great. A change of setting makes a world of difference, too, though it’s really the design that bodes well for the next in the GTA series.

“The combination of solid action-adventure and unique tank battling makes Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime a surprisingly fun and interesting title, even for players with little to no interest in, or knowledge of, the Dragon Quest series, as it has only the most tenuous of connections to the franchise. While the plot isn’t the strongest, the world is charming and the design captivating, and this is another worthy title in the Nintendo DS library.”

Not the most interesting of conclusions to a review, that. However, I was genuinely surprised by this title; I played it at E3 briefly and found it forgettable, which makes it strange that it didn’t leave my DS from the moment I put it in until… Actually, wait, it’s still in the DS (I’m trying to polish of the “Tank Masters” extra).

It’s not a particularly interesting title to talk about, though; it’s just fun. So fun, in fact, that Insert Credit‘s Brandon Sheffield has played it for over 20 hours by now, and as the main quest can be polished off in about 12 hours, he’s clearly getting his money’s worth out if it by attempting to tidy up every loose end.

I like to imagine I’ll be able to tear myself away from it quicker than that…

“If you were looking to make a lazy comparison, Yakuza is the beloved NES-era classic River City Ransom updated by Takashi Miike and dubbed by Quentin Tarantino; the defeated enemies no longer exclaim “BARF” and drop a handful of change, they scream F*** and drop thousands of yen. While it is flawed (even technically; load times are sadly frequent) this is a mature piece of work that manages, thanks to a gleefully chaotic battle system, to be incredibly fun. One of the best games to be released on PS2 this year.”

I love this game to bits. And my review is good, but maybe not quite as good as Tim Rogers and Brandon Sheffield’s video review over at Insert Credit, which captures everything that is good about the game, other than perhaps the ability to hit people with bicycles.