“Let’s admit it: last year we were incredibly spoiled when it came to good writing in games.

Ken Levine and his team at 2K came along and blew us away by using objectivist philosophy to craft a true work of “interactive fiction” with Bioshock at a point where we were still wondering if it was even possible, and then a small team at Valve introduced Portal, which showed us that sometimes, simply writing clever, funny dialogue was enough (and revealed to us how few games until that point could even boast that).

As a result, we’ve probably got a bit cocky about the state of game writing. But as we all know, pride comes before a fall. And that fall is Army of Two.”

This must be the article with the most juvenile title on The Globe and Mail ever, surely!

Other than that, this review just recounts my painful disappointment with Army of Two. I’ve been paying attention to the title since I spoke to Alain Tascan (I actually called it “one to watch out for” at the time) and the missed opportunity here is almost heart breaking.

I think the saddest think is that a sequel will probably be produced, and will probably go some way to fix the game design problems, but will be unable to “retcon” all of the horrible, horrible writing from the first game out of existence.

“This week I watched as Mario, without mercy, beat Princess Peach around the head, body, and legs with a baseball bat until she could barely grip onto the edge of a dangerous precipice in the Mushroom Kingdom. The second she started to climb her way back up, without a moment’s hesitation, he whacked her so hard in the face that she flew off into oblivion.

A little later, I placed bets with a group of other people on the outcome of a battle between a small blond boy, known only as Lucas, and a cheerful little monkey dressed up like a person. I didn’t look away once while Lucas electrocuted the monkey over and over again, before finally setting him on fire to finish the job. (I’m ashamed to say I won a lot of money on that fight.)”

I have never been a fan of the Super Smash Bros. series, and yet have found myself utterly captivated by its latest iteration. However, it’s a backhanded compliment when I say “for any Nintendo fanboy there is arguably no better game available on the Wii right now,” as it’s the continued discovery of new Nintendo fetish objects that make it enjoyable – more so than the actual gameplay (which is still way too floaty for my liking.)

It’s a very interesting (indeed, even culturally significant) title as a result, though. Tim Rogers also has an excellent review of it, up on Action Button, one iteration of which is similarly backhanded in its compliments.

“Let it never be said that the world of downloadable content is boring! Since October’s launch of import games on the Wii’s Virtual Console service it feels like the landscape has been constantly shifting: in November Sony opened an online PlayStation Store for PSP owners who don’t own a PS3 (er, most of them) and December’s Xbox 360 Dashboard update includes the ability to download a range of classic titles from the Xbox back catalogue (including the original Halo and cult hit Psychonauts.)”

A look at Sony’s new PlayStation Store, Super Mario Bros. 3, Alien Soldier, Axelay, and a brief mention of Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines.

I don’t look at the Xbox Originals service, but I’ll be taking a look at it this month, where I’ll complain about the lack of achievements, just like everyone else.

“It’s a strange complaint to begin a review with, but why oh why do character creators never include an option for sideburns? Mass Effect has the most fully featured face creation tool we’ve seen since the Xbox 360’s last (western) RPG of note, Oblivion, but as usual you’re stuck with a limited range of base components. As a result, if you’re like me and like to spend hours trying to create a digital representation of yourself in any game which offers you the opportunity, you’ll still end up with something that could only charitably be claimed to look anything like you through half closed eyes full of Vaseline. It’s still better than the blandly handsome “John Shepard” that the game offers as the base starting character.

The character creation tool works as a neat microcosm of my experience of Mass Effect: it doesn’t live up to its promise, yet somehow it seems worth the effort anyway.”

Mass Effect is a strange title. It’s incredibly flawed – so flawed, in fact, that there are ton of issues that I didn’t have space in this (largely critical) review for – and yet I still want to keep playing it.

If I were to speculate on what the reason for the title’s problems are, I would imagine it would be a case of being a title that was bug tested far more than it was play tested. Any (half decent) play tester should have picked up on things like the inventory system being an absolute abomination, amongst others, and the game would be a lot better for it. I wouldn’t say this was a flawed gem, but it is a sort-of nice rock, or something?

“Without a doubt, October held the most significant development in downloadable content yet, with Nintendo choosing to release titles previously un-released in North America on the Virtual Console. Although they’ve only taken small steps so far, releasing only a few titles, such moves bode well and we can keep hope alive that Nintendo will release other celebrated titles that never saw the light of day here.”

A look at Sin and Punishment, Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels, Fatal Fury, Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords, Speedball 2, and Everyday Shooter.

It’s been a month, though. You should really own Sin and Punishment by now!

“It’s difficult for current releases to stand out in the face of overwhelming juggernaut that is the upcoming launch of Super Mario Galaxy, and one title likely to be forgotten is Capcom’s new original adventure title Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbaros ‘ Treasure. Despite Capcom’s pedigree for quickly grasping new systems strengths and developing games that fit them (Resident Evil 4 on Wii is just one example) the lack of brand recognition could lead to many consumers missing out on an engaging, if occasionally frustrating, point-and-click adventure game that features a rewarding mix of puzzle and problem solving.”

Poor Zack and Wiki. It’s probably one of the most entertaining games I’ve played on the Wii so far, and absolutely everyone has already forgotten all about it. Almost certainly Zack and the (stupidly adorable) Wiki are going to be relegated to Capcom’s long cast of supporting characters that only ever appear in the background of more successful games, but it shouldn’t be that way, damn it!

It’d be real nice to see a sequel that fixes the flaws and maybe has a bit more of a plot to it – but then again, I’d also love to see some more Mega Man Legends games, and that ain’t going to happen either.

“I can only guess that the reason that Rockstar Games so happily censored their own title for release is that, unlike the original Manhunt, the artistic intent behind Manhunt 2 just isn’t strong enough to justify it. If the original Manhunt attempted to be the video game equivalent of a George A. Romero film, with stomach churning violence and genuine social commentary, Manhunt 2’s aspirations are barely as high as a straight-to-video slasher film.”

I’ve mentioned Manhunt 2 on this blog before, and here’s my review of it. Now, I’ve got a lot of time for the original Manhunt – though tremendously flawed, there were some really clever ideas in it. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it’s actually got more interesting things to say about morality than Bioshock does.

I’m sure a lot of people would argue with me that my interpretation of the original Manhunt is giving too much credit to Rockstar, and whoever decided to make the sequel apparently didn’t see any of what I saw either. They’ve created an utterly horrible, indefensible piece of shit inspired by the current “torture porn” craze that, like crap like the Saw films (or whatever) doesn’t even try to say anything with its (incredibly obscured) violence.

I’m happy to defend Manhunt 2’s right to exist (even in uncensored form) but I’d be happier if it didn’t. Or rather, if there wasn’t a market for it.

“Despite its repetitive aspects, the title truly is a joy to play from beginning to end. Chibi-Robo: Park Patrol joins its predecessor by being one of its system’s best games: brilliantly realized, wonderfully playable and, now, critically acclaimed. Don’t let it be ignored by consumers.”

Straight up this is probably the sweetest game I’ve played all year. I probably don’t like it quite as much as the original, but I think that’s more to do with the limitations of the DS hardware, more than anything.

So after reading this review, there are a few things you should do:

1) Run out and buy Chibi Robo: Park Patrol. (Yes, even from a Walmart, if you absolutely have to.)

2) Recommend my review using globeandmail.com’s new “recommend this article to other readers!” feature. I’m not sure it means anything in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me feel big and important. So do it!

“Beyond Halo, there was one other story of interest this month: the US and Canadian dollar reaching parity. This was big news to some Halo 3 buyers, as it turns out that many gamers chose to shop on eBay (average Halo 3 price: $50) rather than in local stores (average Halo 3 price: $70) and I’ve noticed that by using similar tactics you can save big on points cards for the Wii and Xbox 360. If you choose to simply have the codes e-mailed to you (and save on shipping) 2000 Wii points or 1600 Microsoft points can regularly be had for less than $20. A worthwhile bargain, as it’s highly unlikely Microsoft or Nintendo are ever going to reduce prices.”

Includes a look at Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD, LocoRoco Cocoreccho! and Fatal Fury Special. No Virtual Console reviews in September, but considering that October’s article is going to contain almost nothing but that (Sin and Punishment, people!) I think that’s fair enough.

“There’s more to downloadable content than just the Wii, Xbox 360 and (much maligned) Playstation 3’s download services. Valve’s PC-based Steam system has already released many excellent and reasonably priced classic and original titles, including recently the brilliant turn-based strategy title X-COM: Terror From the Deep for only $4.95 US.”

Including reviews of the id Super Pack, Galaga ‘90, Devil’s Crush, Super Metroid, Track & Field and Space Giraffe.

I’ve been pretty quiet about the Space Giraffe review because it’s not entirely positive and I don’t want to get put on Jeff Minter’s enemies list.

Well, not yet, anyway.