“There’s something almost charming in how bad the latest sequel in the Rush Hour franchise is, finally emerging six years after the last installment.

Director Brett Ratner and writer Jeff Nathanson have unintentionally crafted a film that manages to parody itself. It represents the confused, simplistic view of the world that we imagine an American in unfamiliar waters would possess as they attempt to mock that very conceit.”

I think it would be easy to say I’ve over-analysed Rush Hour 3 in this review. It is, after all, just another bad movie. However, I felt it was kind of worth exploring why I found it an interesting bad movie rather than a boring bad movie. Not to say it’s “so bad it’s good” or anything – it isn’t. It’s a bit of a stretch to even call it charming, as taken straight it’s quite offensive.

Really my position in this review is one of condescension, which is a bit mean, but if you’re going to make a film this willfully stupid then you probably deserve it.

“The summer months are a traditionally barren time in gaming, with most publishers judging the average video game consumer is more likely to be going to be out in the sunshine or spending their money to see the latest Hollywood blockbuster than they are to be clamoring for something new to play.

The only service which continues to lag, for no apparent reason, is the Playstation Network. With 14 PS One ports released this month in Japan, that there’s only one port released in North America (one already released on Xbox 360) is another black mark against a system that really needs to try harder. “

Capsule reviews of Paper Mario, Sonic the Hedgehog and Golden Axe, Bomberman Live and Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (as it made an appearance on the PS3 this month.) Um, don’t bother to read if you’re annoyed by people who don’t worship Symphony of the Night. It really isn’t as good as the later titles in the series (and don’t get me started on Rondo of Blood, please.)

The last word on downloads this month: If you own a Wii you need Paper Mario. It’s absolutely amazing.

“The names Frankie and Annette probably aren’t the most recognisable ones to be added to the MGM Movie Legends Collection. Even if we were to mention their full names, Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello, the likelihood is that the average person on the street would respond with, at best, ambivalence, unless they particularly noted Frankie Avalon’s appearance in Grease. There are, however, some really good reasons to consider picking up the collection. Those reasons are most easily seen in the five included Beach Party films: Beach Party, Bikini Beach, Muscle Beach Party, Beach Blanket Bingo and How to Stuff a Wild Bikini.”

I don’t think that much of this cheapo set, but I heartily recommend that if you ever have a chance to see a Beach Party film (and you’re not already familiar with them) that you check it out. They’re incredibly weird and an excellent guilty pleasure.

“There’s something very wrong about a game where I spent my time playing the Strikers Challenge mode just to unlock cheats that would allow me to turn off its special shots features when playing offline against an opponent. Doing so turns the game into a superb simulacrum of street hockey and it’s unfortunate that the single and online multiplayer modes don’t allow you the same options.”

So, looking at Metacritic, this is pretty much the least enthusiastic review of Mario Strikers Charged on the web. But every single other reviewer of this game was smoking crack. Mario Strikers Charged is an absolute mess of a game that is sporadically fun despite the majority of the design decisions. If someone could make it clear that Nintendo sports games don’t need to be completely and utterly random that would just be lovely.

Anyway, this is probably my most Canadian review yet – I reference hockey repeatedly!

“One of the most exasperating things about being a Canadian gamer has been the drastic change in value between the Canadian and American dollar. With the currencies due to reach parity any minute now, having to pay a $10 to $20 premium on any game purchased at retail (and that’s not even including provincial and government taxes) starts to sting pretty hard. Unsurprisingly, despite the distinct lack of physical constraints such as importing, shelf space, etc. downloadable titles also require that Canadian gamers pay a premium, generally costing roughly 20-25% more than they do for American gamers.”

Published a little late this month, due to the combination of E3 and some other factors, this is the first of a regular monthly column on downloadable titles for The Globe and Mail. This month covers June’s releases, looking at Pac-Man C.E., Carcassonne, F-Zero X and Super Stardust HD.

And yes, I started this column to justify purchasing Pac-Man C.E.! Anyone familiar with the Pac-Man back catalogue should be amused to see I call it the best Pac-Man title since the completely bonkers Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures. If you haven’t played that, you absolutely must – maybe it’ll hit the Virtual Console?

“Mario Party 8. Eight Mario parties! That’s a lot of cake, streamers and mini sausage rolls over the years, and that’s with fudging the numbers; there was also the poorly received Mario Party Advance, plus an e-Reader card game and an arcade installment that were never released here. With that in mind, the first Mario Party to hit the Wii had better do something pretty special to make it worthwhile if you’ve already purchased one already – especially considering you probably already own about 5 mini-game collections for the Wii, anyway.”

I go on to explain that it doesn’t do anything special, for anyone under any illusion that the latest Mario Party title is worth a punt. It isn’t. It’s an absolute dog.

“Carcassonne is a solid game in the Xbox 360′s online multiplayer line-up, but if you’re in the market for a board game designed by a German with a title that begins with the letter C, it’s probably not quite as worthy of a purchase as Catan.”

I think this is a fair enough review as long as you remember that reviews are unavoidably subjective – Carcassonne is quite good, but I personally don’t like the core game as much as Catan. I do really like that it’s perfectly playable offline and with only 2 players, though.

“Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree is a difficult sort of title for a video game reviewer to approach. Okay, sure, it has many of the trappings of a traditional video game; medals for playing well, a multiplayer mode, it comes in a box on a disc that you put into a console, that sort of thing. But as part of Nintendo’s ‘Touch Generations’ line-up, it’s probably as uncomfortable with me using the term ‘game’ to describe it as I am. The difference is, of course, is that Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree probably thinks of itself as ‘lifestyle software,’ I think of it as the digital equivalent of a dog-eared primary school maths book.”

This is a case where I really think the review says it all – as it should, I suppose. Big Brain Academy: Wii Degree is utterly pants, and particularly worth ignoring if you’ve already got the original on Nintendo DS.

“A lot of strange things have been done in the name of anthropomorphism in CGI children’s films: everything from vehicles that managed to build themselves roads and towns in Pixar’s Cars to male cows that inexplicably had udders in the risible Barnyard has been done. By those standards, a film about surfing penguins on a tropical island filmed in a mock documentary style is practically the picture of restraint.”

I must admit, Surf’s Up sounded like the stupidest idea of all time when I first heard of it, but after seeing the trailer, which featured some incredibly pleasing looking waves, cute penguins and Brian Posehn, I was suckered into seeing it (for free and for review, natch.)

I actually quite liked it! One thing I didn’t mention in the review is the cameos from pro surfers Kelly Slater and Rob Machado, playing themselves as penguins. Which is interesting, and has let me to think that these penguins exist in an alternate world where penguins, not humans, evolved and became sentinent, with history following roughly the same chain of events, but in penguin society rather than human. So penguins would remember “Penguin Harbour” when those dastardly Japanese penguins attacked without warning in World War 2, or something.

It’s clear I have thought about this far too much.

“I’ve got a big idea, readers. Why don’t we all get together and declare that we’ve had enough of the same old clichés that lazy Japanese RPG developers like to foist upon us, eh? Just draft up a nice letter, get someone to translate it, and send it off to “All videogame developers, Japan.” I’m sure it’ll get to someone. And viola! No more amnesiac heroes with a vague but important secret. No more precocious young lads from tiny villages who turn out to be the chosen one. And no more heroes that stand mute, while their companions talk and the plot progresses around them.”

It’s interesting to note that even with the traditionally argumentative Eurogamer readership, there’s not a single comment in defense of Japanese RPG clichés. Offhand, there is an argument that the kind of clichés I’ve mentioned suffer not from overuse but from simply never being used in interesting ways, but, you know, I don’t buy it. They need to be put to bed for a pretty long time.