“There’s this brilliant thing that ‘the kids’ are doing these days called ‘ghost riding the whip’ where you set your car into neutral, get out and dance beside it while it rolls along with no one at the wheel. It’s a pretty fair metaphor for Ghost Rider: it wobbles along so slowly and unsteadily that you’d think no one was in control of it.”

“Ghost riding the whip” of course the inspiration of the title of yesterday’s Film Friday. I’m rather pleased I managed to shoehorn a reference to it into this review; proving just how “down with the kids” I am (I doubt Roger Ebert regularly references hyphy culture, or anything.)

“Smokin’ Aces plays out like an adaptation of a Vertigo graphic novel that never was, with an uneasy mix of action, comedy, pathos and balls out weirdness that’s wrapped in such a heavy layer of constant tension that at points it’s difficult to catch your breath. That it manages to keep you on the edge of your seat is more a testament to Clint Mansell’s powerful score and some brilliant performances than it is to the plot, in which idiosyncratic hit men face off against each other and the F.B.I. to be the first to capture Buddy ‘Aces’ Israel (Jeremy Piven).”

This is an extended version of a review that should be in the print version of Exclaim!, which is hitting the newsstands on January 30th. In stark disagreement with every other critic out there (it seems like) I actually quite liked this, despite it being chock-a-block with flaws. It really is down the score and the frenetic direction, because the plot is hateful rubbish. If I was in the habit of giving scores, this would get a 3 out of 5. Not really for everyone.

I’ll probably have more to say about it in tomorrow’s Film Friday.

“So the question that usually comes with any film starring a WWE Wrestler is: ‘is it a Mr. Nanny or a They Live?’ With The Marine, WWE champion John Cena’s first big screen role, the question is: ‘did screenwriter Michelle Gallagher secretly construct the film as a tribute to the mid-’80s Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle (and funniest movie of all time) Commando?’”

What’s this, you may ask? Well, it’s the first of hopefully many film reviews for Exclaim! Magazine, a monthly music paper that bills itself as “Canada’s Music Authority”, and probably is! Like the NME or something but not rubbish and not weekly.

So you might go on to ask, “Why on earth would you review The Marine on DVD, Mathew?” Well the review explains! Essentially I just wanted 300 words to try and convince people to see Commando, which, not merely the funniest movie of all time, may be the culmination of all of humanity’s work. It’s just that excellent. ["If Matrix were here, he'd laugh too." - Ed.]