This article was certainly for European readers, as it’s one long cuss of Sony for crippling the backwards compatibility of the PS3 in Europe. As this was written (literally) on the day they announced they were ripping out the hardware emulation, it’s a bit more doom and gloom than it could have been, but the final compatibility list is hardly reassuring (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas – Noticeable Issues, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty – Doesn’t Work, etc.)

I don’t think they’ve ripped out hardware emulation for North Americans yet, have they? Which is a good thing, as I suppose I’ll have to rush out and get a PS3 before they do. If I can be bothered, which isn’t, currently, looking too likely. Anyway! You can download this issue as a PDF from the Game Reactor website.

“OMG! This week sees the release of Kickin’ It Old Skool, a Jamie Kennedy vehicle. He plays a breakdancer who awakes from a 20-year coma and something that Jamie Kennedy probably considers hilarity ensues. We here at Torontoist Towers are astounded at the idea that somebody greenlighted a film with Jamie Kennedy in it. Absoultely gob-smacked.”

As someone in the comments stated, Kickin’ It Old Skool isn’t even Jamie Kennedy’s first starring role! I despair for Hollywood, I really do.

“While many gamers may spend a lot of time crying ‘video games aren’t just for kids!’ it’s obvious that some games just are. While the creators of the latest Pixar film might slip in the odd sly joke for adults, there’s not a sliver of a doubt that the Pokémon series of games are titles designed entirely for, and enjoyed almost exclusively by, children.

In moderation, the games are colourful, friendly and fun, and a far better purchase than many other titles on store shelves, which range from tired, poorly made children’s franchise tie-ins (and while Pokémon may also be a franchise, the games are at least well made) to the violent Grand Theft Auto-a-likes the make the gamers who spend most of their time crying ‘video games aren’t just for kids!’ Most happy.”

I don’t mind that the Pokémon games are for kids, really. I’m sure many adult Pokémon players could spend quite a lot of time complaining about my appraisal of the titles, arguing about all these layers of hidden depth, and while that might be true, it’s unarguable that the games are intentionally simplistic in almost every way, right down to their complete lack of plot.

I am incredibly disappointed with Pokémon Diamond/Pearl in general, however. The move to DS has added nothing to the game other than some (admittedly lovely) online components, and taking the trip back to Pokemon LeafGreen made me realise that there’s just some kind of unexplainable “charm” that’s missing from the latest in the series. I’ll probably keep playing it, though; it’s still irritatingly addictive.

“So there we were, all ready to write another post previewing the final weekend of the Sprockets International Film Festival for Children, when we realised that the film we wanted to bring everyone’s attention to, When the Show Tent Came To My Town, had already had all of its showings! Darn. So though we aren’t going to do a full review of the film, we’d just like to note that When the Show Tent Came To My Town is an absolutely brilliant Japanese-language film that deals with school bullying and friendships in an intelligent and moving way, and that if you get a chance to see it (even if you don’t have any kids) you should. It’s great.”

It is!

“So, although we’ve only just spent a whole post gushing about Sprockets, we can’t really forget about the other excellent stuff that’s going on this week. The Images Film Festival closes this weekend, and we’ve been told Live Images 4: Quasar, tonight at the Music Gallery (197 John) at 9:30 p.m. is the hot ticket, as it features “an army of modified 16mm projectors and a quadraphonic sound system to envelop the audience in a pulsating array of light and sound particles.” Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, IMAX!”

Oh well. I consider it was roughly time for me to bump my most popular post ever (even beating my “So You Want to Be a Games Journalist?” post) from the top of the page, but it’s arguably a shame I’m bumping it for something of such limited appeal to the hundreds of new readers I seem to have. Never mind. I might be spurred to split this blog up to include more random ramblings after all, now, so they can at least look forward to that.

Also on Torontoist this week:

Sprockets Opening Weekend

After reading Boyd’s description of his relationship with his ex-girlfriend as a game of Doom II played on Nightmare mode, are you struggling for that perfect simile to describe your relationship with that certain someone? Well look no further! Our scientific team have come up with 52 perfect descriptions, from lovely to awful, to fit any situation that suits. And so:

Our relationship is like…

1. Killer 7. I don’t understand what you’re saying, and I don’t even know who I am any more.

2. Resident Evil 4. I’m protecting you from all the world’s evils, and you won’t even let me look at your pants.

3. Super Mario Kart. I’m sabotaging the progress of others to reach the rainbow road.

4. Tetris. Shit keeps piling up.

5. Bust A Move. You keep bursting my bubble.

6. Rayman: Raving Rabbids. I’m being put through a series of bizarre trials with little hope of success.

7. Red Steel. I’m just waving my hands in the air and nothing is happening.

8. Harvest Moon. I must always tend our crops to reap a magical harvest.

9. The Sims. Everything keeps breaking down.

10. Shadows of the Colossus. The cost is so great, I’m not sure I even want it any more.

11. Nintendogs. We never really go anywhere, and all I do is clean up your shit.

12. Super Mario Bros. I keep hitting my head against the ceiling and falling down holes.

13. Katamari Damacy. I want to roll you up into my life.

14. The Legend of Zelda. We just keep doing the same things over and over again, just in slightly different ways.

15. Animal Crossing. All my letters and gifts won’t guarantee that you’ll stay.

16. Silent Hill. I’ve never got a clear view of things.

17. Guitar Hero. We have poor timing.

18. Hotel Dusk: Room 215. You never answer a question straight.

19. Sonic The Hedgehog. I’m always running blindly into danger, and I never seem to have any rings for you.

20. Lemmings. I’m trying to save it, but I really just want to hit the nuke button.

21. Dance Dance Revolution. I keep tripping over myself.

22. Chibi Robo. I can never get our house clean.

23. World of Warcraft. I think I’m having fun, but it’s really just a grind.

24. Track and Field. I never seem to rub your buttons fast enough.

25. Gears of War. Even with all my macho posturing, you still don’t take me seriously.

26. Paper Mario. Some people might think it’s flat and lifeless, but they’re not looking at it from the right angle.

27. Kirby’s Dream Land. No matter how hard I suck, I can’t get you all in my mouth.

28. Paperboy. You don’t want what I’m trying to deliver.

29. Wario Ware. Every three seconds, it changes.

30. Wii Sports. It was fun at first, but now my shoulders hurt.

31. Ico. You’re completely helpless, and I’m sick of dragging you around everywhere.

32. Trauma Center: Under the Knife. The operation that would be required to save it is utterly ludicrous.

33. Parappa the Rapper. Perfect rhythm, bright colours.

34. Super Princess Peach. I’m pushing all your emotional buttons, but you’d rather I just left you alone with your vibe-scepter.

35. Grand Theft Auto. I think it’s full of possibility, but you’ll only let me progress if I do it your way.

36. Tie Fighter. I’m having more fun being the bad guy.

37. Punch-Out. I hit you a lot, but you never seem to go down for me.

38. Electroplankton. I’m never going to have anything to show for my time.

39. Mortal Kombat. I used to think you were so cool. Now I have no idea what I was thinking.

40. Ghouls and Ghosts. Punishing.

41. Bomberman. My plans always seem to blow up in my own face.

42. Oregon Trail. It’s dying of dysentery.

43. Street Fighter II. Once you start slapping me, I don’t know what to do to make you stop.

44. Ultima VII. You think I’m a symbol of perfection, but really I’m a sociopathic, thieving bastard.

45. Metal Gear Solid. You just won’t shut up.

46. Pokemon. I’m supposed to be your best friend, and yet you keep throwing me into battles against my will.

47. Final Fantasy. No matter what we go through, we’re fully refreshed after a good night’s sleep.

48. Pro Evolution Soccer. It’s the same thing every time I come back, but it seems to get worse as we go on.

49. Space Invaders. We’ve got a lot of fond memories of it, but we can’t go back.

50. Pac-Man. You keep stuffing your face and trying to avoid old ghosts.

51. Crackdown. I feel like Superman.

52. Duke Nukem Forever. I don’t think it’s ever going to start, is it?

None of these suit? Add your own in the comments!

52 Gaming Similes To Describe Your Relationship was written by Mathew Kumar and Kate Dickson. They’re in a relationship (and we’re not going to tell you which game describes it best.)

[Art by Benjamin Rivers.]

“Now here is an interesting thought, readers. Grindhouse, Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez’ homage to classic trashy double bills comes out this week, and, if you want to see it, you have to see it in a multiplex, because not one of the independent cinemas here (or we imagine anywhere else) are showing it.

Now, we understand how distribution works (kinda) and know it’s just easier (and more profitable) to ensure that it goes to the big corporate cinemas, but it’s hard not to think that Tarantino et al haven’t really been all that true to their material when they haven’t asked someone that works for them to give it to the indies straight off (although, having said that, maybe they did). As it is, frankly, we can’t really imagine watching Grindhouse somewhere that isn’t as cool as the Bloor, so we’re just going to ignore it for weeks until it hits the second run circuit.”

According to that ever lovable, ever reliable source (for journalists) Wikipedia, “Rodriguez first came up with the idea for Planet Terror during the production of The Faculty. ‘I remember telling Elijah Wood and Josh Hartnett, all these young actors, that zombie movies were dead and hadn’t been around in a while, but that I thought they were going to come back in a big way because they’d been gone for so long.’”

This is an interesting reminder to any pop culture observer, because there was a fairly long period where zombie films had completely fallen out of favor. If you think about it, though, at a point during that period the Resident Evil games hit. So although, taking into account the way things fall in and out of favour as time passes, you could say the games simply anticipated the return of zombies to cinema, there is a lot of evidence to say that at least had some influence on it. You only have to look at Spaced (the TV series created by Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg, who went on to make Shaun of the Dead) which featured Resident Evil rather heavily on one episode, not that I can find any particularly useful reference links after roughly 0.0023 seconds of Googling.

One could even argue that Zombies Ate My Neighbours was the source point. Which therefore means it’s of utmost cultural importance that it gets put up on the Wii Virtual Console as soon as possible.

Not that Nintendo ever listens to what people want from the VC. I mean, where the hell is Punch-Out? (Other than released in Japan and Europe, annoyingly.)